...on Japanese Horror
Saw Ju-Rei last night (Memento meets Ring, ripping off both) which now gives me enough data points to go into analysis mode.
Dealing with a Japanese Vengeful Spirit
Welcome to Japan. Enjoy our sweeping natural vistas, our friendly people and our blend of ancient tradition and modern culture. While visiting our country you may encounter a vengeful spirit. Should this happen please keep in mind that Japanese horror is quite different from Western horror. Understanding the following rules will help you fully appreciate the supernatural terror that will be visited upon you.
1) It's not your fault.
In Western horror you will not be killed unless you violate one of the rules of the genre. These include:
- Wandering off alone into a dark place.
- Scoffing at warnings of supernatural danger.
- Being a clueless, greedy authority figure.
- Having sex. (Note: This only applies to women.)
- Being black.
Japanese horror does not work that way. You will be killed no matter what you do. Maybe you entered the wrong house or saw the wrong videotape or answered the wrong phone call. You may never understand what you did to draw the curse upon yourself. Supernatural attacks are random and capricious.
Western horror is a test. If you demonstrate cleverness or moral purity you will pass the test and survive. Japanese horror is more like a natural disaster. It is immaterial what kind of person you are, if you are in the wrong place at the wrong time you will suffer a horrible death.
2) Nobody is safe.
Even if you violate the rules, you can still survive in Western horror as long as you are in a protected category. These include being a virginal woman, a child or a dog. This goes back to the "testing" nature of Western horror. Certain people, like children and virginal women, are considered Good and thus immune to the forces of Evil.
Japanese horror does not recognize this dichotomy. If you are targeted by a vengeful spirit, your moral resume will not save you. Children and virgins are considered fair game.
3) Your cell phone will not save you.
Cell phones have thrown Western supernatural monsters into a tizzy. Many of their best bits don't work when rescue is a phone call away. That is why Western horror often takes place in isolated locations like haunted houses, closed summer camps or ships at sea.
If you are being stalked by a Japanese vengeful spirit you may feel confident because you have a working cell phone. This is a mistaken belief. There is a recurring theme in Japanese pop culture that while technology is nifty, it can not be relied upon. If you attempt to use your cell phone during an attack it will not help you. Odds are the spirit will call you with messages like "Turn around." just before it eats you.
4) Do not attempt to band together against the threat.
In the West people under supernatural attack will band together to discuss the situation. They will share information, plot a plan of attack and then wander off into the darkness by themselves to get killed.
The Japanese people prefer to skip these steps and proceed directly to getting killed. It is considered shameful to tell others that you believe a ghost is stalking you. Under no circumstances should you contact authorities or experts of any kind. Please respect our customs while visiting.
5) Do not attempt to understand, escape, defend yourself from or destroy the spirit.
This is perhaps the most important rule. Japanese culture treats vengeful spirit attack with the same reverence due a natural disaster of epic proportions. Attempting to escape your fate will only make you look foolish and demonstrates a lack of respect for the natural order of things.
If strange things happen around you do not attempt to investigate them. You must act like everything is fine and lie about why your face is white with fear. When the final attack comes it is important to behave in an appropriate fashion. If you are male, you should stare in shock at the onrushing horror and wait for it to kill you. If you are female, you should hide under a blanket for a suitable length of time before peeking out and being killed.
6) It's right next to you.
Living space is at a premium in Japan and even the wealthiest Japanese citizens will have dwellings that are small by Western standards. This unfortunately does not allow the lengthy chase sequences so beloved by Western monsters. We apologize that you will be unable to run in heels and fall down a lot if you are attacked by a vengeful spirit.
Vengeful spirits will not allow you to escape before hunting you down. They will manifest within the room, making no noise until you notice their presence. At that point you will be killed.
We hope that these guidelines make your stay in Japan more enjoyable. While there are always exceptions, by keeping these rules in mind you will avoid embarrassing faux pas. Please enjoy your stay.
Dealing with a Japanese Vengeful Spirit
Welcome to Japan. Enjoy our sweeping natural vistas, our friendly people and our blend of ancient tradition and modern culture. While visiting our country you may encounter a vengeful spirit. Should this happen please keep in mind that Japanese horror is quite different from Western horror. Understanding the following rules will help you fully appreciate the supernatural terror that will be visited upon you.
1) It's not your fault.
In Western horror you will not be killed unless you violate one of the rules of the genre. These include:
- Wandering off alone into a dark place.
- Scoffing at warnings of supernatural danger.
- Being a clueless, greedy authority figure.
- Having sex. (Note: This only applies to women.)
- Being black.
Japanese horror does not work that way. You will be killed no matter what you do. Maybe you entered the wrong house or saw the wrong videotape or answered the wrong phone call. You may never understand what you did to draw the curse upon yourself. Supernatural attacks are random and capricious.
Western horror is a test. If you demonstrate cleverness or moral purity you will pass the test and survive. Japanese horror is more like a natural disaster. It is immaterial what kind of person you are, if you are in the wrong place at the wrong time you will suffer a horrible death.
2) Nobody is safe.
Even if you violate the rules, you can still survive in Western horror as long as you are in a protected category. These include being a virginal woman, a child or a dog. This goes back to the "testing" nature of Western horror. Certain people, like children and virginal women, are considered Good and thus immune to the forces of Evil.
Japanese horror does not recognize this dichotomy. If you are targeted by a vengeful spirit, your moral resume will not save you. Children and virgins are considered fair game.
3) Your cell phone will not save you.
Cell phones have thrown Western supernatural monsters into a tizzy. Many of their best bits don't work when rescue is a phone call away. That is why Western horror often takes place in isolated locations like haunted houses, closed summer camps or ships at sea.
If you are being stalked by a Japanese vengeful spirit you may feel confident because you have a working cell phone. This is a mistaken belief. There is a recurring theme in Japanese pop culture that while technology is nifty, it can not be relied upon. If you attempt to use your cell phone during an attack it will not help you. Odds are the spirit will call you with messages like "Turn around." just before it eats you.
4) Do not attempt to band together against the threat.
In the West people under supernatural attack will band together to discuss the situation. They will share information, plot a plan of attack and then wander off into the darkness by themselves to get killed.
The Japanese people prefer to skip these steps and proceed directly to getting killed. It is considered shameful to tell others that you believe a ghost is stalking you. Under no circumstances should you contact authorities or experts of any kind. Please respect our customs while visiting.
5) Do not attempt to understand, escape, defend yourself from or destroy the spirit.
This is perhaps the most important rule. Japanese culture treats vengeful spirit attack with the same reverence due a natural disaster of epic proportions. Attempting to escape your fate will only make you look foolish and demonstrates a lack of respect for the natural order of things.
If strange things happen around you do not attempt to investigate them. You must act like everything is fine and lie about why your face is white with fear. When the final attack comes it is important to behave in an appropriate fashion. If you are male, you should stare in shock at the onrushing horror and wait for it to kill you. If you are female, you should hide under a blanket for a suitable length of time before peeking out and being killed.
6) It's right next to you.
Living space is at a premium in Japan and even the wealthiest Japanese citizens will have dwellings that are small by Western standards. This unfortunately does not allow the lengthy chase sequences so beloved by Western monsters. We apologize that you will be unable to run in heels and fall down a lot if you are attacked by a vengeful spirit.
Vengeful spirits will not allow you to escape before hunting you down. They will manifest within the room, making no noise until you notice their presence. At that point you will be killed.
We hope that these guidelines make your stay in Japan more enjoyable. While there are always exceptions, by keeping these rules in mind you will avoid embarrassing faux pas. Please enjoy your stay.
posted by ElGrande at 7/29/2005 04:22:00 PM
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